Reflections Hookup Culture

Where we, that was the big thing on college campuses especially for sororities. They would have these parties where they would inhale through these misters alcohol. So, so that they can be okay in their own skin. It mean when you see certain people with certain mental health issues, they’re climbing out of their skin. The last thing is they your solution, right?

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And so boys will use their mothers as sounding boards or as stress relief valve. When they need to provided that the channel for communication is kept clear. Now, a lot of moms do, they’re the ones that initiate the calls. They, they can’t deal with the separation at their end. That’s a different phenomenon. I just wanna circle back Michael to our talks with moms and boys, from what, tell me if you agree with this.

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The, the proactive is the establishing and the feeding of relationships. And on the reactive side is the repairing of the harm and having those conversations. You know, I just wanna add, to give you a little more context, Nathan, sometimes we’re representing students involved in sexual misconduct cases, especially in the collegiate level. And there can be a dispute as to whether the person accused agrees with the allegations. Maybe they believe they had consent. And think about privacy for me as privacy for they.

Uh, may is mental health awareness month. And Susan and I write a lot about this topic through our legal work with students who have debilitating depression and anxiety. And it seems a running theme in your book is really advocating for CBT or cognitive behavior therapy. Uh, but it was, it was good for him to have outside support somebody.

Like make these decisions with lifelong impacts. First children are hot mess. They’re cage, they’re ill.

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And so one of the things that CBT does a really good job of doing it’s identifying catastrophic thinking for what it is and stopping it. And instead putting other things in your brain, like, well, okay. In my high school, calculus class, you know what I, I made a B on a test and a quiz in that, and I survived that and I got through it. In the college setting, what we mostly see this with, or the best example I think is test anxiety. Now let me just say, this happens all the time. They may have breezed through high school, or maybe they worked super hard through high school, but now they’re in a new setting.

Sometimes they might have other issues such as something called Vestia that all of those things have nothing to do with the partner. These are conditions that they may not know about until they have partnered sex, but. But have you ever say, and I want you to have great orgasms, no women generally don’t have that conversation. And that’s where these young women are. Mm-hmm because societally, cause then they start asking about your orgasms.

I think that when we’re thinking about in that process of that expulsion, we’ve gotta be thinking about. The goal of restorative practices is this intrinsic motivation, right? We want to get them to understand why they’re doing what they’re doing and work through this, but we also have to use extrinsic factors to help get there. Yeah, students selling drugs. So a situation where a student was selling drugs into a school, and let’s say that they were expelled, let’s say there’s a zero tolerance sort of situation that happened around this.

And you can see the problems that, that creates. Brown out by the way, or some people say gray out, but the south is war refers to, as brown out is having fuzzy spotty memory loss. Um, so similar process, datingranking.org/localsgowild-review but just, there were a little bit of breakthrough memories in there. But you cannot tell, I want to re-emphasize exactly what you said. That doesn’t work with this because you weren’t making memories.

Since in the book there was a lack of representation of those communities, we decided to take another route and use an article that talks about religion. I think it is important for religion to be talked about because although the books are lacking in all those communities, it is also lacking in the hookup culture within religion. This article essentially talks about how different religions see hooking up and the hookup culture we are in.

And lately we’re almost seeing a shift in parenting where parents of girls assume that the girls are competent and will take care of things. And that their boys are so fragile that if Kristina and I push hard, for example, when we do mock cross examination to get students ready for a hearing, we hear their boys are gonna break. These, the implementation of title IX rules on campus is I think that is in my mind, historic swing.

So it wasn’t just going to specific middle schools or high schools, but anyone who wanted to come could attend, learn what grit is, hear about it in like real life examples from speakers. It’s not to criminalize abortion. So from my perspective, this decision has really unleashed a whole lot of unnecessary harm on women and girls and people who can get pregnant. Of course in that category, we know that 57% of those who get abortions are women in their twenties.

So while I think Bos body positivity is wonderful, um, and while I also think that the, the broadening of female body ideals has been really positive, we’re not there yet. But it’s not just stick thin, that’s the ideal anymore. But especially among boys, they’re totally missed because they’re not trying to lose weight, they’re trying to bulk up. They actually want more muscle. They don’t wanna be the thin kid, and so often you get disordered behaviors on the other end of the spectrum.